Well. It's been a while, and I'm feeling ok.
Good actually, rather happy. I'm surprised at that.
And I mean it, I feel I've met someone I can be me with.
I like being me, I can be pretty awesome sometimes.
We'll see how it goes.
It's only a matter of time though until its not enough.
I'm not enough.
Or I'm too much.
This is my life!
The pain's no better, in fact I think its worse, but I'm sucking it up and cracking on.
As usual. What else can I do?
I try my best to function, but sometimes it takes everything I have to just get up and breath.
Moaning isn't going to help in any way.
Being in constant pain, to the point you feel sick all the time sucks.
It takes the energy out of me as it is.
I'm always tired lately, and I always feel like I've had an hour in bed or on the sofa.
I feel like I spend half my life resting or trying to sleep.
I'm not negative, I'm grateful for that one hour!
And I can ALWAYS eat Ice cream.
Ice cream makes everything better!
Sure, I could up my meds more, but I hate feeling dependent on them.
I hate depending on anything.
Nothing ever lasts, and eventually, I'm gonna fuck it up sooner or later.
I'm good at that.
Yes I want some me time, I need to every now and then.
Its like my brain is a box of chains that have been shook up and got tangled and I need to unravel them.
All my feelings, my thoughts, ideas, plans all go to pot.
It comes across that I'm thinking of me.
I don't mean to seem selfish or let you down. Shit happens, life happens, it gets in the way sometimes, but I'm not always like this. When I'm good I am amazing!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't post this because I think tempting fate can be a bad thing, but it turns out that I already knew what would happen.
Same as it always is.
Wooops, I broke it.
Shit happens.
I remember why I prefer doing it all alone, as lonely as it is, as good as it would have been.
If you aren't careful you can open yourself up to a lot of potential hurt.
It's better to quit when you're ahead.
The last thing I need is more pain.
Funny how your outlook can completely turn around in 24 hours.
Life happens.
